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Because you go into Topshop and you just don’t understand anything in life, at all.
1. I haven’t been in Topshop in ages, this is a good idea, there’s always loads of things I want in here. Oh look, those coats are AMAZING. I really need a coat. See, good idea.
2. Ah, they’re £100, OK, right, I see. Hmm.
3. Topshop definitely wasn’t this expensive when I was a teenager. There’s no way my mum would have forked out £100 for a coat.
4. OH MY GOD A T-SHIRT WITH A DINOSAUR ON.
5. Wait, am I in the children’s section? Does Topshop even have a children’s section? There’s no way these shorts are supposed to fit an adult. Oh wait, would you look at that, size 6. They wouldn’t have got over my bum at AGE SIX.
6. There are so many hot 18-year-olds in here. I don’t remember being that hot and cool ever.
7. Why does everyone have purple hair now?
8. ‘I’ll take a Topshop nail polish in EVERY colour, kind sir’.
9. This sequin dress would look amazing at the work Christmas party, let me just check… Jesus effing Christ, £180? Really?
10. Oh, it says Kate Moss designed it. Right OK, good.
11. Maybe there’s a sale on the jewellery, they always have really good jewellery in here.
12. OK, choice between a necklace with seven tassels on or a pink plastic bracelet that says ‘LOLZ’. I’m too old for this.
13. The jeans in here are supposed to be really good, maybe I’ll grab a new pair of skinnies for the winter.
14. Why is this size 12 pair stuck at my knees? I’m sure I’m a size 12. I’m a size 12 everywhere apart from River Island, anything fitted in H&M and anything badly made in Primark. THIS IS SO HUMILIATING.
15. I’ll just snap up my three pairs of pants for £7 and be done with it.
16. THREE PAIRS FOR £9?!? When the heck did this happen.
17. Better get some sweets at the till to make up for this distress. Sob.