21 thoughts every guy has while watching porn

October 23, 2014 admin No comments

Mandatory Credit: Photo by REX (2740701b)ndirector Steve Steeln'Porn Weekender', Prague, Czech Republic - 2013nA British man is hoping to revolutionise the porn industry by making it truly interactive. Steve Steel offers 'porn weekenders' in Prague, which allow people to get up close and personal with the making of a porn film. For £999 'delegates' are provided with accommodation and taken on set for two days to see how films are made. They are then allowed to direct the actors and create whatever scenarios they like as well as use their own cameras to film and photograph everything. If they provide a health certificate they can even take part. In fact, if they successfully perform with a consenting model for two 15-minute scenes they even get paid - 200 euros for the men and 400 for the women. However, according to Steve, though there are many inquiries very few people can actual perform when required. For a further £200, the Porn Weekenders may also attend a day-long workshop on how to move into film making.n

Porn, we love you (Picture: REX)

When those hormones swell, the house is empty and the laptop is giving you the eye, nothing comes between man and his pornography.

1. Must delete history from last time.

2. Will anyone be able to see me wailing away on myself from this angle? (I’ll draw the curtains just in case).

3. Right, 15 minutes max, then I’ll get back to work.

4. Nice thumbnail picture *pays absolutely no attention to description and plays video*.

5. She’s so sex-URGH, why do porn directors insist on a close-up of the man’s arse/scrotum!?

6. NEXT.

7. Yeah, that’s better. Oh, wait, WHAT – I can’t be done yet, it’s only been five minutes! You’re better than this.

8. I hope I’m not this quick next time I have sex.

9. It’s been a while since I’ve had sex.

10. Let’s go niche. Shemale? No, too niche. Bondage.

11. That’s a weird position.

12. I’m definitely not big enough for that.

13. I don’t think she’s enjoying that. This feels wrong.

14. WHAT WAS THAT NOISE!? *Slams laptop screen, throws towel over stonker and prepares to wheel out the ‘I was just about to get in the shower’ line (fool-proof)*.

15. Probably just the wind. At ease. Aw, now it’s limp.

16. Okay, another 15 minutes. Job application can wait.

17. Shemale.

18. Where should I aim?

19. It’s everywhere.

20. I’m not getting those minutes of my life back. I am filled with shame.

21. I’ll delete my history later.

MORE: 15 most disappointing things about sex, according to men

MORE: The 21 unsexiest things about sex (because it’s not all making ‘love’ and orgasms is it?)

MORE: 12 things every girl’s mates know about her man after she’s slept with him

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