Copyright © 2014. Designed by Bangkok apartments.
Deciding to end a relationship can be tough – and whilst being dumped is indisputably hard, doing the dumping can be equally as difficult.
In an ideal world the best way to call time on a relationship is to do it face to face. However, in a world which isn’t always ideal, an adult conversation about ending a relationship can sometimes feel like telling your boss you’ve booked a week in Ibiza three days into a new job.
I think the best way to end a relationship depends very much on the length of time you have spent with that person.
Why, I would no sooner sit down with someone I had slept with twice, for a four hour deep and meaningful, as I would end a 10-year marriage with a text – both being inappropriate given their contexts.
After one night
Fancy yourself as a bit of a coward with the complete inability to have a mature conversation with someone you’ve shared bodily fluids with? Fear not, stone cold silence will suffice.
It’s brutal, but let’s not kid ourselves – after one night, you owe each other nothing. Disappearing off the face of the earth wraps up a brief fling nicely without any need for extended navel gazing or ‘when will I see you again?’ conversations.
Head-in-sand burying at its very best. Just don’t be pissed off when it happens to you.
After one week
After a week of contact a short text is fair. Call it the ‘band aid’ method – short, sharp and momentarily painful, but does the job efficiently and aids speedy recovery.
Should you have been foolish enough to add the ‘soon to be dumped’ on social media, de-friend them immediately and consider at what haste you expand your online network in the future.
After one month
A phone call is ample. Useful phrases include – ‘It’s not you it’s me, you deserve better and I’ll never make you happy.’
Make the phone call polite, definite and not in a busy pub. Nothing destroys the soul quite like being dumped with ‘Let’s get the party started’ playing in the background.
After at least one year
Face to face is, according to ‘ideal world’ handbook, the only way to dignify a relationship breakup at this stage.
Sit your partner down, be calm, be rational. Explain how you feel that you are on different paths but that you have a great deal of respect for them and wish them a happy future with someone who’ll fulfil their needs better than you can.
Then get drunk and limbered up for one last farewell shag. OK, so I added the last bit but hey, anything to soften the blow, right?